“Just your Average Game of Quidditch”
Inspired by J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets“
Here we are, in the stadium, up high,
waiting to watch our Quidditch teams fly.
It’s time for the final match to see
who will bring home the victory.
We’ll see who can stand up to the test
as they battle to see who’s really best.
We’ll see who spots that glittering Snitch,
flying around that enormous pitch.
What! You’ve never heard of Quidditch?
You’ve never seen a glittering Snitch?
Wait, what are you saying?
You don’t even know who is playing?
Look here they come! Slytherin versus Gryffindor!
We’ve no time to explain any more.
They’re doing a loop around the crowd.
Come on now, nice and loud.
Go, go, Griffindor. Go, go, Griffindor.
Win, win, Slytherin. Win, win, Slytherin.
OK. It’s time to start the game. Here we go.
Time to watch the starting throw.
Slytherin win, and off they speed,
they shoot, they score, they take the lead.
YEEEEESSSS! Winning already Slytherin.
Winning already Slytherin.
NOOOOOOOO! Come on Griffindor.
Come on Griffindor.
Right, here we go, back in play.
The Quaffle passes without delay.
Whoosh, throw and catch.
Whoosh, push, and snatch.
Swoosh, TING. (Yes/No.)
Swoosh and RING! (Yes/No.)
Swoosh aim and TING~A~LING! (Yes/No.)
It’s neck and neck now.
What a game, hey? Wow!
Why are you looking way up in the air?
The scoring hoops are over there!
What? You’re watching a mad ball?
Oh that. It’s just a Bludger. That’s all.
…Oh, it’s chasing Potter and it’s looping.
That’s not normal. It’s even swooping.
Look at Potter, dive and spin.
Look at him, he won’t give in.
Watch him twirl around and swoop.
Watch him spin around and loop.
How can he keep these antics up?
WOAH! The Bludger’s catching up…
So you’ve learnt a bit about the game today…
Do you think you’d like to play?
© Chrissy Kett 2018
Performed at The Bushey Festival June 2018
Inspired by Roald Dahl’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory“
We work at Wonka's factory.
We're a machine, you see.
The chewing gum machine,
but not like the others you've seen.
Oh no, we're very different.
We’re really quite magnificent
because we are the only one
to make a three-course-dinner gum.
We know you want to taste it.
We know that you won’t quit
until you’ve tried the best gum yet,
with a taste you won’t forget,
though it’s one you might regret.
Come on, come on in and try,
or else you’ll make us cry.
Ah! You will come and visit?
We would really, really love it.
You will? Oh good.
We knew you would.
Now, push open the factory door,
and step onto the factory floor.
That’s it, how nice to see you.
For a moment you had us feeling blue.
Though you may soon feel that way too.
Now sign here, so you can’t sue.
Excellent. Now we’ll start.
Just press upon the left hand part.
DA DA! Here it is, time to taste.
Eat it now, no time to waste.
Yes…that soup’s tomato.
Yes…chicken with roast potato.
Now to try,
the blueberry pie…
Take a breath…
You’re still normal. GREAT.
That’s super. That’s simply swell.
OH NO! Not you as well!
And so it’s back to manufactory.
This gum’ll never leave the factory.
© 2017 Chrissy Kett
Performed at The Radlett Festival June 2017
“So please, oh PLEASE, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install, a lovely bookshelf on the wall.” Roald Dahl, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”