Every Company Has One.

Here’s the thing…

We’ve all been there. Sharing a dressing room with someone who drives you mad–to put it mildly. There’s always somebody in the company whose sole purpose is to drive you insane. Every company has one. And if you don’t know who it is…

Someone who says it better…

‘I may look calm but in my mind I’ve killed you three times’ – The Best of Life.

Here we go then…

The trouble is, once you dislike someone, everything they do is annoying. The way they apply make-up, the way they talk about their new Cavapoo, their constant disregard for everyone else around them. You get the idea– even the way they breathe is irritating. And even once you’ve escaped the dressing room narcissist you’ve got to survive the producer himself. Even when he’s not there in person he’s quite content to send you a little note to explain that you’re a ‘costly mistake’. On closing night. As the audience performs the most stagey version of #boosforboris. All as you stand under spotlights trying to stop your face from reacting… 

Let’s get creative…

I started this blog to embrace my creative writing, so I’m trying to challenge myself to write a poem, short story or flash fiction to accompany every post. (Makes another coffee. Procrastinates. More coffee.) Right, here goes… 


A piece of verse by Chrissy Kett

Please don’t call me darling,

when what you mean is ‘bitch’!

Keep the acting for the stage

and all this drama ditch. 

Please don’t smile so sweetly,

whilst your eyes are screaming ‘cow’!

You’re not fooling anyone. 

Let’s just stop this falseness now. 

I really am rather tired 

having just done acts one and two. 

I thought we could drop the act 

once the curtain call was through. 

Let’s stop all this pretending. 

You and I know you’re not my friend. 

I really don’t mind to be quite honest

so let all these ‘darlings’ end. 

Let’s just play our roles on stage

as actors are supposed to do,

then just rest and spend our time 

with those we actually want to.

There’s nothing in our contracts

to say bestest friends we must be, 

so let’s stop all this pretending.

You be you and I’ll be me. 

To conclude, don’t call me ‘darling’.

It really is quite the obvious scam. 

Let me sort out my hair in peace

cos frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Enough creativity. I’m a ‘Type A’ personality–give me a list! 

Five ways to survive when you’re sharing a dressing room with ‘the one’ (or should I say, for them to survive.)

  • Find Somewhere Else to Go – Narcissists don’t change–all you can do is limit your time with them. Find somewhere else to chill. Covid policy permitting, of course. 
  • Kill Them With Kindness –They may say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but if it stops you from committing murder it can’t be all bad can it? Besides if it’s truly deserved they won’t even pick up on it. 
  • Earphones – Block them out with music or podcasts. 
  • Take a Nap – If you’re like me you can crawl under the dressing room table, with a blanket, and catch forty winks when you really need a mental break. 
  • Find a Ranting Buddy – Find a fellow company member you trust, family or friends, and let it all out. A problem shared and all that… 

Let’s cut to the last eight bars shall we?

I confess I’ve stolen this from my mother-in-law, but it’s one of her many sayings that I just love. 

There’s always going to be people who you click with, and those who you want to strangle. But try to rise above it. After all, it’s been a tough few years. And we’ve all been through more than we might show. Let’s face it, when it’s your job to play a role, it’s not hard to multirole your personal life, and pretend that everything’s fine, when nothing could be further from the truth. So first, try to cut each other some slack, and above all else, try not to kill them. Keep sane. Keep smiling. 

Popular blog posts…

Yes.We’re Viable.

Read here.

Dancing in the Rain.

Read here.

Should Fatima Work in Cyber?

Read here.

All blog posts…

Read here.

About Me

Hi, I’m Chrissy! I’ve started this blog to celebrate the Arts. I’m a performer who’s taking a little break from being a ‘talking prop’, and am enjoying the teaching and writing side of things. If you want to know a little bit more about me and my writing journey check out my About page.

Want the latest blog updates?

I don’t have a newsletter or a subscription just yet. In the meantime, you can stay updated via my socials.

%d bloggers like this: